Friday, September 6, 2013

Well HI!
I haven't been here in a very long time. Lots of reasons...job stuff and life stuff and friend stuff. It happens. I started working out pretty hard core, and thats taking up some of my usual free time.

Ive also been struggling with infertility, and have not had much desire to share things. I'm ready now.

I also have a new focus for blogging...some home remodeling and once the crazy cold is gone, some furniture refinishing.

A few things to look forward to:
Pictures of these brats:
Frank, sometimes angry, sometimes sad talk about infertility, the miscarriage and tubal I went through...and trying to make a baby with only one damn tube.

Fun furniture transformations (I cant be cranky all the time):

Crazy Halloweenness (it's a word dammit)

Some weight loss stuff... the left pic is a before, the right is an after...sadly after tubal surgery, and the depression that followed I look closer to the before. That has to change. I cant get pregnant at the weight I'm body wont let me.

So follow along as I laugh, scream and cry. We'll be frank and honest and topic will be off limits. Buckle up kids...its going to be a bumpy ride.



I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never "have it all together". I will never be the person with a clean house, clean car, dinner on the table, work day done, good job, great income. I will be the girl that yells too much, laughs too loudly and forgets her schedule daily. I'm always going to have anxiety, and ADD and I'm always going to be a little odd, crazy. I am coming to terms with these things, and trying to be ok with it. I am not winning at life...but I'm damn well giving it my all.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


That is pretty much all I have to say as I read news of so many pregnancies on facebook. I smile, and "like" and congratulate. I shove the sad down and move on. I look at my husband carrying the dog like a baby and know he deserves a child of his own. I cry. Sad for the babies I lost, hopeful for the future. Some day, maybe.

Monday, January 2, 2012

When I grow up

2011 is gone, and good riddance. This last year was one of the worst... it completely topped every painful year of high school (best years of our lives my flat ass) topped the year my husband and I separated (back together now of course) and all the other "worst year evers". It started out fine, but Kate's transplant failed in April, my grandfather died in May, then my mscarriage, many more hospital visits for Kate, Nikkis gall bladder and subsequent lactose issue, then my tubal and surgery. It even went out with a bang, finding Nik and I decorating a hospital room on New Years Eve so Kate would have something nice to look at after blood transfusion #9 and surgery #5. I am not complaining though, merely leading up to what I want to say, which is life is short, and you never know when crap is gonna fly at you in all directions and maybe I need to get some shit figured out...before a baby comes (maybe this year?) Before 30 rears its head, in July, before I grow up and realize I let life go by, and let too many experiences happen to me, instead of creating them.
I have no clue how to do this, but it's time to at least try...
To write that book
To learn tattoo
To start that business
To travel more, experience more, live more.

Wish me luck. I'll need it!

Monday, December 26, 2011

First post from blogger app on the new thrive

Just playing around with it.... the dogs are fighting.... Bandit is the Christmas present Kioko didn't want :-)

Sunday, December 25, 2011

holy shit its christmas

I got a now maybe ill post more often! probably not.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

yep, still suck at this

I am a bad blogger! I'd rather spend my time looking at everyone elses pretty, finished blog posts than make one of my own!

Some I'm loving now -

That is only a small few of the blogs I read often. I will at some point actually blog here...y'know...maybe.

Some possible topic ideas:
My upcoming trip to Vegas
My moms upcoming bday party
My house renovations
My dog...cuz I love her
Having a baby---will I? Won't I?

I'll get there some day